dear 2020 brides
dear 2020 brides,
I see you. I feel for you. but you know what Im sick of? people invalidating your feelings.
“its just a wedding”
“horrific 2020 brides”
“covid brides act like its only affecting them”
You know what? We all are weathering this storm. All differently. 2020 is strange, its new, and none of us know how to navigate this season of life. Just because their issue is not affecting you, doesn’t mean it doesn’t matter. your feelings matter. Everyones storm matters. its okay to be sad, its okay to cry. And sometimes, we all just need to take it out on someone (sorry logan, thankful you married me after planning in this sh!t show).
But do you want to know the coolest thing? At the end of this you WILL be married. that is the end goal. That is what we are here for. Whether its 400 people or 50 people, you will be married. Whether guests watch in person or via online, you will be married. Whether its 2020 or 2021, you will be married. I know its not how you pictured it, I know its not how you wanted to plan a wedding. I know. I KNOW the feelings. The feeling of just wanting it to be OVER. The feeling of never ending anxiety. The feeling of not wanting to check your email in fear that its a vendor or someone bailing on you. I feel for you.
Planning a wedding in 2020 is no easy task, and I say that as I help 30 other brides plan their big days. Feeling completely out of control and helpless. Feeling like throwing in the towel for a moment in life that is supposed to be SO SPECIAL is such a defeating feeling.
But there are some things you can control. You can control your how you navigate the changes. I will admit I met this with huge resistance, but after a few months of dealing with this…I learned that I can not control what is going on in the world, I can not control the mandates, but I CAN control how my feelings affect my day. Realizing that NO MATTER WHAT I do, I can not control the world, actually helped me let go a little bit. It made me realize that no amount of googling, no amount of anxiety, no amount of watching the news is going to change this outcome…all I can do is ride the storm and make decisions as they come. And hey, at least I’ll look good and have bomb photos right ? (s/o to florapine photography for being awesome).
So focus on the good, focus on the end goal, and focus on what you can control. thats my first piece of advice.
It’s an interesting perspective to ride this storm on both sides of the wedding. Being the bride and also being the vendor. I recently put out a poll and asked what y’all would like to know so below I’ll answer some of those! Some of these I combined.
Q: What is the number one thing you looked for in vendors / did you feel prepared when you met with your vendors before the wedding?
A: I have an interesting perspective in the fact that most of my vendors for our wedding were wedding friends that I just brought with me to wisconsin LOL! But when we met with Al + Lyndsey [ The Atrium ] for our venue I just KNEW we made the right choice. They were so kind and caring and laid back. Everything just felt right working with them and I knew I didnt want to get married here and wanted something a little different so it was perfect. When you look for vendors sit back and find out what your style is, that will help determine the venue and photographer (personally what I think is most important to do first) and then ask them for recommendations! I, as a vendor, have a huge list of vendors I recommend and love to work with. And if you ask me about someone I’ve had a bad experience with, Im definitely not afraid to be up front.
Q: Im worried what its going to look like next year, did you need to cut down #s or take precautions?
A: Next year is SO far away. As I spoke above, take it day by day. You truly dont know what june + on is going to look like, but take it day by day. I recommend having two guest lists; one that includes everyone and one that is minimized down so if that time comes that you need to shrink numbers, you dont have to scramble to do so. We personally didnt have a large guest list to start out with (tbh most of our guest list was just bridal party LOL) and beings it wasnt at home and was smaller anyway it wasnt something we had to deal with thankfully. I didnt want a huge wedding to begin with so Im thankful I made that decision early on! We provided masks and hand sanitizer for everyone, plus it was mostly outside.
Q: Who should pay for hair and makeup?
A: Personally, I let my gals pick if they wanted to do it. If they wanted it, they could pay for it. But it wasn’t required. If I would of required them get hair and makeup I would of paid for it. I also helped pay for their dresses. :)
Q: Getting hair extensions for the wedding?
A: I think its a great question for your hair stylist dependent on your hair style! I knew I wanted my hair down so hair extensions were pretty much a must in my mind. But had I done an up-do I wouldn’t have gotten them or I would use clip ins.
Q: Real or faux flowers?
A: Maybe I’m biased but I just LOVE real flowers. They are easier for me, as a photographer, to photograph. But there are a couple vendors I know that do faux florals that look very real. Just if you plan on doing the faux route, don’t cheap out. But personally I recommend real. I had an emotional attachment to the flowers Floret + Foliage made for me. :)
Q: Timeline for sunset photos without leaving guests hanging?
A: Honestly, as long as guests have a beer in hand and a friend to chat to…they likely wont even know you’re gone (except maybe mom & grandma lol). Sunset photos usually only last 15-20 min at the most and personally are my favorite part of the wedding day. I always recommend my couples to do this so they can spend at least 20 minutes with JUST each other enjoying some peace in the day as a married couple.
Q: where to shop for mismatched dresses?
A: I personally just told my gals “find a dress anywhere in this color range and i’ll pay for xxx amount”. So ours came from an assortment of sites like lulus, baltic born, asos, roolee, etc. But I do know BHLDN, Jenny Yoo have a great shade range to do mismatched dresses and they’re so beautiful.
Q: To do a first look or not?
A: If you are SET on not doing one, I wouldn’t. Just so you have your moment if its something you’ve always dreamed of.
BUT, it does make the day run a lot smoother to have all the photos done beforehand. I’d say about 95% of my clients do a first look. And I personally think a first look is so special beforehand without anyone else watching and getting to spend a little time together without people bothering you. Without a first look you’d have to take around 2 hours post ceremony to take couples, family & bridal party portraits. The only time I heavily stress doing a first look is in the winter, when there is usually not enough light to finish photos after 4.
Q: What are some things you’d tell about our experience working with other vendors?
A: For the most part, all of our vendors were great. The ones mentioned below were AWESOME to work with. But during the planning process when inquiring before some were booked (and even a couple we ended up working with), communication was a factor. So vendors; if you’re reading, please do not take 2 weeks to reply to your couples. Please dont leave your couples hanging to nag on you. Especially during this season of life when brides feel like they can not control anything, proper communication is essential. But also brides; do not always expect a response in 2 hours ;) we have lives too and sometimes it takes a day or two to respond since most of us are our own secretaries.
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Navigating a wedding during a pandemic has been an interesting, yet terrible, experience. Not going to lie. You feel guilt. You feel sadness, anxiety, all the above. And thats okay. Your feelings are okay. Brides planning weddings right now have never seen this happen before, all they have to compare to wedding planning is their friends a few years ago (or even last year) and how much THEY LOVED planning. How much FUN it was. So comparing our experiences with those, feels like something was taken from us.
But thats okay, take it with grace. We will definitely never forget this year. So brides, your wedding year will always ben remembered. And although it has sucked, just remember that one good thing will come out of it…you will be married. You will start your next chapter.
So what are some tips and tricks I have as a 2020 bride?
Don’t stress the small stuff (I know everyone says that), but truly…no one is going to remember the messed up program, or maybe a little spot of dirt on your dress, or forgetting to put out your s’mores (whoops me). They will only remember the happy moments, the crying and probably the bar. LOL.
Take changes with stride. There were SO many things we had to change leading up to the day. Bridal shower postponement, cookie baking cancelled (covid scare), masks, testing, etc you name it. Just take these changes day by day.
Stand up for what YOU want. This is your wedding, do not let family or friends bully you into doing what they want. Its your one day and theres already so many things changing and out or your control.
Ask for help. If you need help or a friend to talk too; ask for it. Don’t feel guilt, a wedding is a BIG deal and its okay to need help. I feel like I cried to my friend sophie (yes we have the same name) every day for the whole month of September leading up to it.
Stay up to date with your vendors. If you are thinking of postponing- let them know ahead of time so you can work on dates with them so you don’t lose out on your deposit. And vice versa- if you 110% plan on having it either way that day whether its 300 or 10 people- let them know so it gives everyone some peace of mind.
Make people feel comfortable. The last couple weeks leading up to our wedding we had some very important people in our life decide to stay home and stay healthy. And that is OKAY. Yes it was sad, but being gracious and understanding this year is just part of the process. We then had a live stream for those who were unable to attend and we also provided masks and hand sanitizer at every table for our guests that were able to come. Luckily, most of ours was outside and it was in a big ventilated greenhouse, but we did what we could to make others comfortable. I recommend not doing any receiving lines this year as well.
Let your people know how thankful you are for them. I couldn’t stress this enough, all of our family and bridal party are truly the best humans in the world.
And lastly (for now), enjoy the day. Take it in. Make sure to spend some time together just you two enjoying yourselves. It goes by so fast, all the hard work and months of planning is done in one single day. So take it in, sit back and just look and smile at the people that came to celebrate you.
So if you’re reading this, I see you. I feel for you.
I will be your friend if you need it.
I will be your helping hand.
I will be your sound board.
I see you. Its okay not to be okay.
But in the end you will be married and thats fricken awesome.
With all the love in my heart-
Mrs. Smith
Our Vendors:
The Atrium - FloraPine Photography - Floret + Foliage - Painted by Mal - Mallory Goins
Hustle & Heart Salon - The Rambler MN - Sounds Unlimited - White House Co
A Cutting Edge - Your Day By Nicole - StudioSuits
